Oct 2014

The Great Phone Company Break-Up

It’s not me, ATT. It’s you. All you.

I want an iPhone 6 and, as a “loyal” customer, who pays bills on time, I figure buying a new (discounted) phone with a new 2-year contract, should be easy. In fact, it should be your pleasure, ATT.

But our last contract is getting in the way – it’s my third, 2-year, binding agreement with you – and it says we have to wait another 45 days before we can extend our vows. Unless I want to pay full price for the phone.

I don’t want 24 installments of $28 (total $672). I want a new iPhone for $199 and the 2-year contract that goes with it (I know you claim it takes two years to recoup losses on a discounted phone, but I pay you over a $100 a month for air, so I think you’ll be alright).

You know who will give me a new iPhone for $199, and a new phone contract? Sprint will. They’ll also buy out my ATT contract, just to woo me over.

And the next time I want a new phone, or simply get an itch in my Sprint, I may go back to ATT, or T-Mobile or hell, I might even visit that sad little Verizon kiosk in the mall. Because, what’s the difference?

The rates are virtually identical. Everyone offers good coverage by now. And from a pure brand perspective, your barrage of commercials does little to persuade.

ATT is the precocious-kid-focus-group brand. Sprint is the funny-“Framily”-plan-and-Kevin-Durant-performing-unspeakable-tasks-for-suburban-ethnic-families brand. And T-Mobile is the pink-punk-rock-for-those-of-us-grasping-at-youth brand. (Is Verizon still the nerdy-repair-guy brand?) None of these campaigns creates the irrational allegiance that consumers feel toward Apple or Levis.

My marketing plan is simple, folks. Offer a loyalty reward. A rebate, a new “free” feature, or how about, hmm….A NEW iPHONE! FOR $199! And like airline miles, or any other “Buy 10, get 1 free” offer since the dawn of sales, you might just buy yourselves a customer for life.

ATT, I give you this marketing plan, out of the goodness of my heart. And, if put into practice, I may just give you a lifetime of patronage.

All I ask for in return is a new iPhone 6 (64GB). Please send to the address posted.


  • by Geoffrey
  • 0 Comment
  • Oct 23, 2014
  • Standard

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